The State of Dating

It’s a story that most single individuals know all too well: Dating is hard and confusing. 

This is a lesson that I am currently learning the hard way. 

You have to meet someone that has a mutual attraction, you have to coordinate times and dates, you have to seemingly be an expert in small talk and, among other things, you have to be able to determine whether you and your date are looking for the same thing at the same time. 

In my case, I have met someone that I share an attraction with, we’ve been able to set up dates and we have both been pretty good at small talk as a means of getting to know each other. 

However, that last necessity I listed has led to a great deal of confusion. I have no idea whether we are looking for the same thing at the same time. 

The girl in question (we’ll just call her A for the time being) has said that she is looking for something a little more serious. I’ve said that I’m open to anything but don’t have anything in mind that I’m searching out. 

On the surface, this seems like everything should be good to go for both of us. But that’s just the surface. 

 I would like to see where things can go. However, A seems to be a little less sure of where we may, or may not, be headed. Im really confused because I think we match pretty similarly. 

I’m unsure of where exactly she’s at as far as we are concerned. 

Because of this, I’m going to man up and come right out with it tomorrow. I’m going to tell her where I’m at and how I interpret what she said as to where she is at.

Stay tuned for more info…

New Beginnings

When my ex and I separated, I honestly wasn’t sure if, or when, I would ever be able to move on. Heartbroken, devastated and depressed didn’t come close to matching the emotions running through my body. 

Luckily, I have a good friend that was pushing me to get out there and get back up on that proverbial horse known as dating. 

Well, he was more interested in me finding someone to take to bed, but his pushing helped get me back out there all the same.  

One of my big fears with getting back in the dating game is that I would have a scarlet letter associated with my name. The scarlet letter “D.” 

Divorced. 

Failure. 

Used up. 

No good.

Those are the things I’ve been fearing people associating with my name because I am in the process of getting a divorce. 

Anyways, I’ve recently found someone that has caught my interest. We’ve hung out on a few different occasions and seem to have several shared interests. We’ve enjoyed long conversation over coffee, benge watched Game of Thrones and enjoyed each other’s company over dinner. 

This evening I finally told her that I was previously married. I was prepared for her to ask me to leave or be given dirty looks or just be peppered with a ton of questions. To my surprise, her response was much different. 

She said that she was surprised that I was once married, but that it doesn’t matter. She understands that things happen and that it doesn’t bother her that I was married. 

This then sparked some emotional and thought provoking conversations among the two of us. I felt that it helped us bond on a level that we had yet to reach. 

Despite my fears about the perception people would have, I now have a stronger emotional connection than before because of my decision to be forthright about my prior marriage. 

While our relationship (if you can even call it that at this point) is still very much in its infancy, I now feel as if I have a new lease for the world. A new beginning for the next stage of my life. 

~N

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

If you read my first post then you should already be aware that my life has its… up and downs. I figure what better way to delve into whom I truly am than by diving head first into three separate circumstances that have lead me to where I am today. 

The Good

Best to start with the happy stuff, amirite? 

Well, as for the good, I’ve been blessed enough that I was able to recently take a solo trip to Europe. While it was a relatively short trip (only a week) it was not lost on me that I am extremely blessed to have had that experience. 

I spent 3 days in Brussels, Belgium and 3 days in Paris, France. I went over with a complete lack of knowledge for the local languages (Flemmish & French) and cultures. Admittedly, I am mostly to blame. I yearned for an experience where I would be put in a situation in which I had no choice but to survive in a strange land.

Needless to say, it was a fantastic trip in which I met a multitude of individuals from all over the world while also learning about Belgian and French culture. However, the biggest takeaway from this experience, other than how beautiful Paris truly is, is that I am a strong, free spirited person that is capable of surviving anything. 

The Bad

Everything can’t be perfect I guess..

As I mentioned in my first post, I have a lack of people that I can consider to be true friends in the city that I live. 

I moved to Raleigh, NC a little over six months ago. While this isn’t the first time I’ve lived in this city, it is the first time in 5 years that I’ve been here. Needless to say, all of the friends from my first stent in the Oak City are all now elsewhere. 

I came back to this area for two reasons, none of which had anything to do with friends. Those reasons are probably not too dissimilar to how you, the reader, landed at the place you are at right now: a better job and a better quality of life. 

While I do enjoy my job, it has put a damper on a lot of opportunities to meet new people. I do tend to miss not having a close knit group that I can confide in when needed. 

The Ugly

Well here goes.. 

On April 1 of this year, I finally had no choice but to put my foot down and tell my wife (ex-wife?) that she needed to get out of our house. 

Now I know what you guys at home are thinking…. “But you said that it wasn’t entirely your idea to get a divorce.”

Well, it wasn’t really. Telling her to leave was months, if not years, in the making and had nothing to do with me not wanting to be with her in that relationship. It was about allowing her to be free of the responsibilities that a married women carries with her that she had come to loathe. 

She wanted to party all weekend long, and party hard at that, as well as wanting to be with new people. She, in fact, was already doing most of these things. Whether she was physically cheating with another man at the time is still something I’m not sure about. Frankly, I don’t care to know. 

The choice to apply for a divorce was not something I wanted to do. I was still emotionally invested in the marriage and wanted to work to make things better.  However, at the rate things were going, she already was checked out from the marriage and it was only going to be a matter of time until I came home to find another man in my bed. 

Until a person has felt the agony of your closest confidant, your best friend, the love of your life, say to your face that they want to be with other people because they no longer find you physically attractive, then you have no clue about true the meaning of pain. It isn’t  a pain that can be solved  with a pill or a bandage. It is a pain that cuts deep into your soul. 

~N

The First Post

So it’s 3:40 AM and here I am typing my first ever blog post. What can I say really except that it’s been one hell of a week.

The inspiration behind this blog is pretty simple: I needed somewhere to write all of my thoughts that I have trouble saying out loud (hence why I’m awake at 3:40 AM on a Friday morning). So here we go..

The Basics

I’m a 27 year old man with a college degree, my own apartment, a nice car, and job that I enjoy while also making relatively decent money. I have a family that loves me and I just finished a week long trip in Belgium and Paris. Seems like I’ve got it all going on, right?

As with most, things aren’t always as they appear.

I also have a diagnosed history of depression, a overall lack of friends in the new city that I live and recently lost my best friend and half of that loving family by means of a divorce that I didn’t entirely choose.

This, I believe, is a good start to my blog. I’ll continue to tell my story as life goes on and I hope you the readers can use it to help fight through your day, gleam a bit of hope or inspiration or, at the minimum, enjoy this small break in your day.

Thanks for reading,

~N